Thursday, April 20, 2006

Friends Don't Let Friends Wear Spandex

Suri Holmes-Cruise has been hatched for only a couple of days now and I'm already over her ... well, okay not really but until we get a real picture of her I'm not really that interested anymore ... thankfully Gwyneth Paltrow has unveiled her new baby for us to gaze upon ... check out these awesomely cute pictures of Moses Martin and the rest of his family:

Look at his adorable little old man face ... he is soooo cute! Gwyneth looks amazing. I absolutely love the picture of the Martin family ... little Apple playing and daddy Chris in the background -- see, this is what a happy celebrity family should look like ... [Source, Source]

... unfortunately when you're dealing with crazy Scientologist celebrity families like the TomKat clan, this is what you get:

Gallery of the Absurd never ceases to come up with the funnest celeb pictures ever. [Source]

The New York Post imagines what Suri Holmes-Cruise will look like in the year 2026 ... unfortch for her she looks a lot like Tom Cruise ... let's step into the future, shall we?

The long-feuding Cruise and Shields clans made peace this weekend with the surprise wedding of Suri Cruise and Grier Shields Henchy, who both turned 20 yesterday. The lavish lesbian ceremony was held on the grounds of John Travolta's Battlefield Earth Theme Park (formerly St. Patrick's Cathedral) ... The brides wore matching white Wal-Mart Wang gowns trailed by 20-foot trains carried by miniature Chihuahuas, all descendants of Tinkerbell Hilton ... They exchanged rings - gifts from Oprah Winfrey, Omega Thetan IV, the peacemaker who brought Suri's dad, Tom Cruise, and Grier's mom, Brooke Shields, together to bury the hatchet in a very special "Oprah" Super Bowl LIX halftime show - the highest-rated program ever. The scariest thing about this little scenario is that it's all entirely plausible. LOL! [Source]

Mandy Moore and Missy Elliott paid a little visit to MTV's TRL yesterday afternoon:

As if the ::shudder:: capri pants weren't bad enough Mandy opted to wear a stretchy, sequined top as well ... what the hell? Did she have an figure skating competition to get to after her appearance on TRL? Missy Elliott, on the other hand, took a more heavy handed approach with her outfit ... I believe she was on her way to a lesbian bootcamp training session. [Source, Source]

Ashlee and Jessica Simpson have closed in their ranks in order to offer support for one another ... since Jess can no longer hang out with her friend CaCee Cobb (cuz she's too busy canoodling with Nick Lachey) she has to rely on her younger, more successful sister to take care of her ... here are a couple pictures of the Simpsons on their way to dinner:

Ashlee looks pretty content on the arm of her new boyfriend Braxton ... Jessica looks like a wreck. I'm actually surprised that we haven't seen much of Papa Joe Simpson hovering around his daughters lately ... he must be too busy ruining other peoples' lives to bother with further ruining his daughters' lives ... don't get too comfy, Braxton ... Papa Joe will come for you eventually. [Source]

Speaking of lives ruined by Papa Joe, here is the US Weekly cover featuring Nick Lachey who is finally spilling all the juicy deets on the ruin of his marriage:

In case you want to save yourself the $4 that it costs to buy the magazine, has posted the entire text of the Nick Lachey interview HERE. You simply MUST read the interview ... would you dare miss out on shizz like this: "I believe I can be a good husband to somebody," he says, stopping midnote. "I don't know, though. I'm oh-for-one." His eyes well up again. But this time, no tears fall. "Maybe I'm crazy," he says, turning his gaze back to the bustle of the street. "Maybe I'm in some, like, purgatory fucked-up place in my head. But I'm OK with it. I'm OK with everything." Be strong Nick ... be so very strong. [Source, Source]

I love it ... Kylie Minogue is popping up in public all over the place these days ... check out these amazing pictures of Kylie hanging out by herself on the streets of Paris, France:

I really love her new look ... the short hair really suits her. She is such a beautiful woman ... she can make any look work. [Source]

Please god ... anyone ... say it isn't so ... say that my eyes are deceiving me ... please tell me that Jake Gyllenhaal hasn't taken to wearing spandex out in public ...

I have no words. I never, ever thought that Jakey poo would be capable of looking completely unsexy. I guess I was wrong. And orange spandex no less ... what have we done to deserve this?! [Source]

Yeah ... it looks like Lindsay Lohan has added the arm behind the head pose to her repertoire ... check out these messy picture of L. Lo lookin' drunk as hell on the streets of NYC:

Seriously Linds? You really thought an ill-fitting designer toga would be an appropriate outfit for public consumption. Damn ... you must've been drunk as hell. [Source]

Janice Dickinson thinks she's got what it takes to open her own modeling agency ... you know, since she's the world's oldest supermodel and all ... here are pictures of Janice at the ribbon cutting ceremony for her new agency:

I gotta give it up to the old broad ... this ribbon cutting ceremony is way more interesting than most. [Source]

Mischa Barton and her new (well, current) BFF Nicole Richie spent some time recently hanging out and working on ceramic crafts together:

Looking relaxed and chipper, the two gals - along with Nicole's old but new boyfriend Adam Goldstein - indulged their creative juices whilst doodling on some ceramic stuff. It's believed they were making masterpieces for Mother's Day. Bless. They clearly weren't planning on getting paint everywhere as Nicole, in particular, looked v glam in a summer frock. How very Hollywood. Isn't that the most darling thing you've ever heard of? So very precious. [Source]

But the darling and preciousness doesn't stop there ... check out these pictures of Mischa Barton playing with her puppy Ziggy:

Alright ... altogether now ... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! [Source]

UGH ... Kimberly Stewart and her brother Sean spent some time hanging out together as well ...

Alright ... altogther now ... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! [Source]

And finally ... the last episode of Will & Grace has been shot ... the show is dunzo, y'all. Here is the first picture of the goodbyes from the set of W&G:

The NBC sitcom ended its eight-season run amid tears, laughter and frequent standing ovations from the studio audience lucky enough to witness a bit of TV history. "It was very emotional. There was a lot of hugging and kissing," said an insider who attended the final taping. "This set is very much like a family." Well, you know what they say about All Good Things ... I'm gonna miss the show. Make sure you don't forget that the 2-hour series finale airs on May 18th. [Source]

Da News:
Last night was my last night here in NYC and it was spent running all over town going to a couple of media parties. While media parties are not usually my cup of tea it is very fun watching David and Corynne (who both write for working their magic. We started out at Bonnie Fuller's book party (she's the editorial director of American Media Inc. which publishes Star magazine and The National Enquirer) and I was treated to a room full of people who I had no interest in schmoozing ... it was fun watching other people schmooze tho. Then we ended up at some other lame affair that was just too completely inconsequential to even mention. Note: If you show up at an event and the host is dancing to the music of Sugar Ray then it would be wise to turn on your heels and walk right out.

Corynne, David and I ended up knocking back a few margaritas at some Mexican bar and grill place on the Upper East Side ... and then came the tequila shots ...

Fortunately we had the foresight to take the photo before things got too messy ...

Corynne had places to go and people to do so we bid her a good night and decided to call it a night. Ah New York ... I'll miss you when I'm gone.

I fly back to Detroit this afternoon where I plan on regrouping for my next assault on LA. And ... I guess that's it. I'm out.